Love as God Created It
So many divorces and unhappy marriages. I truly believe it is because people are drifting further and further away from the Creator of marriage, God. He shares in his Word all we need to know on how marriage should be. And God IS love. He is the only perfect love. We will learn best from him❤️
Christ loved the church so much that he gave up his life for her. We are the church. He died for us. And we did not deserve that love. We should be reflecting that love. That means we should always by dying to ourselves. What does this mean? It means putting away our selfish desires. To stop trying to change our mate and to change our own selves. It is agape love. A love that is pure and unconditional.
When we love this way in our marriage, there is forgiveness.. tenderness.. openness.. honesty.. This is how better communication happens.. leading to more compassion.. greater devotion.. and the chance for our marriage to really grow deeper.
As my husband lay asleep, I thought.. He is my gift from God, such a blessing. And I read The Song of Songs. This eight chapter love poem is such a beautiful picture of a loving relationship.
From Song of Songs ~
As an apricot tree stands out in the forest, my lover stands above the young men in town. All I want is to sit in his shade, to taste and savor his delicious love. He took me home with him for a festive meal, but his eyes feasted on me!
The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh. Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away. You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
Do you notice the excitement and adoration they have for one another? Aren’t the sexual metaphors so joyful and romantic? God created sex. Many of us have worldly learned what sex is through movies, school, porn and friends. Sex was made for love and to express love.. To share in our holy union for many reasons.. To please each other, for fun and to give comfort. To strengthen our bond together. For our souls to be one. Having pure and loving sex means so much to marriage.
Awaken and rediscover your mate.
Of course, sex was also made to procreate. When I gave birth to my children… I couldn’t believe I birthed new life from myself.. Only the Lord could create such a miracle.
A loving marriage provides a great foundation to build a family.
Marriage covenants are not always a walk in the park. My husband, Clarence, and I have done marriage studies together. We confess sins to each other and our close friends. Just recently, we attended a marriage seminar. Because of our hearts transparency, we were totally transformed.
In a nutshell, this is what we learned from Roger and Laureen Traver of Mountain Top Marriages :
❤️Get our hearts right.. keep it soft❤️Say to your spouse “I will never ever divorce you” and see if your spouse says it back❤️Work it out or be miserable for the rest of your life (selfishness makes us miserable)❤️Don’t be focused on getting all your needs met, think of what you can do to be better❤️Agape love always❤️Pray out loud together❤️Read the Bible together❤️Bless each other❤️Know who you are in Christ❤️Replace lies with scriptures of truth❤️Find your strongholds & cast them out❤️Have a feelings formula ~ Know how to talk without attacking each other❤️Make priorities right❤️Husbands ~ learn what your wife loves❤️Wives ~ respect & appreciate your husbands❤️Find something you both love to do together & do it… If you don’t have anything.. do what your spouse loves & maybe you’ll end up enjoying it too❤️Men & women are different ~ communicate well❤️Sex is important ~ Have more sex❤️Play footsy under the table, hold hands❤️Say wonderful compliments to each other❤️Men try holding doors open for your wife❤️Know each other’s love language❤️It is The Word that can save, transform & bring power to your marriage
Hubby and I with Roger and Laureen Traver of Mountain Top Marriages
Isn’t that amazing love wisdom? I thank the Lord for Roger and Laureen. I believe their marriage is so beautiful because their hearts are so beautiful… and they serve with all their hearts… the most beautiful God.
How has our marriage been transformed? Clarence and I have made it a routine to pray each day when he gets home from work. We open the door.. we say hello with a kiss.. He plays with the children for a bit. Then we hold hands and pray… The first time our kids saw this… they watched us with big eyes. And then we felt their little hands on ours. And there they were with their eyes closed and praying too. It was the sweetest. Now they pray with us each day as well. They love to pray with us. Our 3 year old, Hayley, doesn’t want to stop praying. She tells Jesus about her entire day.. and then about her friends day.. mom’s day.. And then prays for random people or animals like Santa or a doggie that she saw a few days ago. Our 1 year old, Elijah, who has so much energy.. he is so calm when we pray. He just watches us all and smiles.
Clarence and I have stopped saying “you” this and “you” that. Rather, we take responsibility for our own feelings and actions. This has helped us tremendously in not building up new walls and in keeping our hearts soft for one another. We also ask for forgiveness right away. When we’ve made a mistake, we are quick to resolve it.
We have others who help us stay accountable. Brothers in Christ for Clarence.. whom he can truly love on and be loved on back. No matter what. And sisters in Christ for me. Such amazing women where we can pray over one another through everything. Having true fellowship with other married couples who are also in the spirit. It is awesome to have a solid church family to pour life into our marriage and where we can pour life into theirs.
We are communicating stronger in each others own love language. The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. My husband’s love language is physical touch, mine is acts of service. I now kiss my husband much more.. especially whenever he leaves and returns. I hold him more, rub his shoulders.. He loves that I was a licensed massage therapist for many years lol. Physical touch doesn’t have to always be sex. I try to always check-in with him through my touch. And even if I’m upset.. I don’t withhold my embrace from him. For my love language, Clarence has been very good at speaking acts of service to my heart. He cooks the most amazing meals and often cleans up. He gives the kids baths, changes diapers.. And he does these things with a joyful heart. He also helps fix many things.. from the tv remote to our refrigerator to my car ~ he’s a certified mechanic. I love watching him be such a handyman and loving daddy.. and sweet hubby.. as he makes sure I’m well fed and can get some rest.
Here is the quiz to learn yours and your mates love language :
As mentioned a bit earlier.. Marriage should reflect Christ ~ constantly dying to one another. Sacrificing.. serving.. sanctifying. When we do this, it sounds totally different from what the world tells us. The world tells us that if we are not happy, then leave. It is a selfish way and does not give life. God hates divorce. Divorce can cause more hurt and rip apart families.
Growing up, I did not know the Lord and I wasn’t raised around others who did know him. I did not know what true love was. I did not know what it was like to be loved unconditionally. I was abused from a young age and not believed or protected. When I grew up, I dated abusive men. I sought healing in seminars about strongholds, in prayer ministries and through Godly friendships and counseling. I’ll never forget the day I was set free. In prayer… I felt such a power over my heart. So strong that I just had to bow down and I cried. Warm tears flooded my face. The Lord’s love burned within me and his soft still voice spoke. He said, “Let me heal you”. And the process began.
A few days later, I had a dream that I was dancing with a man who reflected Jesus. The song Dance with Me by Jesus Culture played. I had never heard that song before. The man wore glasses and he was so handsome. His heart made me feel like such a daughter of God. As we danced, I felt like a princess and that he was my prince. There was such an unexplainable romantic peace. The joy was the sweetest and purest. The next day, I heard that song. I remembered it from my dream. How amazing to have had that dream song come to life.
A few months later, I met the man who would be my husband. It was hard to believe.. Although God sent that dream to encourage me, I was set on just being with the Lord and not settling with a man. I had made the decision to adopt a child on my own. I was so happy to receive the letter saying I would be considered. I began dating Clarence, the adoption agency shut down. And that night we decided to slow dance. I really don’t like to cry in front of others.. but I just cried. Tears of joy. Clarence told me I was the one for him. And I knew he was the one too. It had been confirmed. Clarence does wear glasses too. But it’s our love together that really gave us new eyes.
How beautiful it is to share our faith journey together. To grow deeper in intimacy and the things of God.. side by side, hand in hand.
Throughout our togetherness time.. I’ve learned that we are a team. We are for each other and not against one another. It is the enemy that tries to divide us. With prayer, we can stay close and bonded. We fight fear with faith. We try our best to speak life and celebrate each other. We protect our love.
We ask the Lord to always renew our mind. Renew our mind to always think lovingly of each other. Lord, train us to remember the sacred beauty of our love. We bless each other with joy. Our spouse is God’s child. If our God in Heaven is a King, that means our spouse is what? They are a princess. They are a prince. Let’s treat our loves that way.
May we glorify the Lord through our marriage. No marriage is perfect, but the Lord is. Put him first ~ Watch how he will excitedly deepen and faithfully grow your precious love. I am praying for your marriage journey. Keep on dating, praying, laughing, lovemaking, playing, reconciling, dying and dancing❤️
Awesome truth in how to have a great marriage! I have been blessed with my wife of 26 years and still going strong using a lot of these principles. Thank you for sharing this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing this particular post. I loved reading it. It means a lot since I am engaged to be married. God bless you
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen x1000! We need to get back to our first Love! He will show us how to love our spouses and have a great marriage. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very good post. My wife and I hit 50 years in May, and it keeps getting better!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a blessed message and so timely in this world in which marriage is being attacked so hard my the enemy. My wife Mary and I are soon to be at 35 years together, and the joy and tenderness in our marriage is rich with love poured out by God upon us both. When we do things His way, they are better. Blessings to you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, brother I totally agree with you about marriages being made in heaven. Thanks for sharing the Good message. Anand Bose from Kerala
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is good.
MY TESTIMONY AS A WIFE
My husband and I are married for almost 46 years. We got married as unbelievers. Then we became saved. We left our medical profession to start a church. We are now in full time ministry. Over the years, as a wife, I had to learn the spiritual protocol of marriage. There was a time my husband was very involved in national politics in Nigeria. It was a lonely difficult time for us, especially for me. We give God all the glory for sustaining us and our marriage. Personally, I have learned many great lessons from Queen Esther. For example, there were times when I had to go and see my husband for urgent matters. I learned never to go in ‘flesh’ to meet with him. He hates to see me panicking, crying or complaining like an ‘ordinary woman’. He wants me to stand and speak calmly. As an unbeliever I failed this test many times. But after I became born again and filled with God’s Spirit, I learned to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. No matter the situation, before I go to meet with him, I remember to stop everything, breath in and out, take a minute of silence and pray to God. God is always my first Helper, Savior, Counsellor and Friend! God understands me better than I understand myself!
In times like these English or Romanian language is a wasting of time. I usually pray in tongues. I pray that the Holy Spirit goes before me to touch my husband and open a way for me. I never take it for granted that I can burst in his office just because I am his wife. I need the grace of God always! I pray that when he sees me, he will not see a foolish confused woman, but a true woman of God. I pray that I obtain favor with him even as I speak. I pray that the Holy Spirit gives me the right words, spoken in the right way and in the right tone. I pray that my body language shows faith in God and if need be, the courage to fight spiritual warfare. I pray that, no matter the challenge, God will help us maintain the unity of the Spirit. I pray that our marriage survives the attacks and extra burdens of so many needy people. I usually bind the evil spirits of fear, confusion, impatience, division, anger, emotional manipulation and foolishness. They shall not speak. They shall not have any room to manifest between the two of us. I pray for the unity of the Spirit; that both of us see things in the same way! I pray that the peace of God reigns in our hearts and marriage. I pray that Christ is glorified in the midst of this problem. I pray that the test will become a new testimony. All these requests are ‘translated’ in tongues. I pray in the Spirit as I walk towards my husband. Then I knock at his door. I open it. I enter… We speak calmly. We pray aloud. We agree on the strategy. We are one with God and with one another! The enemy is clearly defeated. The matter is solved in minutes. What seems impossible, after talking and praying together, it now seems so easy, so simple… God is always faithful. Jesus is Lord! We rejoice together! We smile… We laugh… The marriage is becoming stronger. The worship continues… To God be all the glory!
I love how you are a conduit of what you learn through your marriage and wherever you gain wisdom. Even the response speak to the wisdom of walking with God in marriage. Here is a little reflection of mine on the occasion of our 35th anniversary… still learning: https://moreenigma.com/2018/06/04/all-we-have-is-today/. Grace to you.
I had to smile. 🙂 My second husband, the man who was my children’s father, worked at the same place I worked. It was the 1970’s, the office needed a receptionist, and I was the “window dressing” as it used to be called. He would say things like “bend over further, I want to see what’s under the dress” and I’d get so angry! The woman who shared the front office space with me laughed and said he liked me.
One night, I had a dream. He was cuddling with me and we were both so happy. He was wearing a blue polo shirt with a tiny alligator on the left side. I woke up sweating from the nightmare. When I arrived at work, I started to pass him on the way to another part of the building and stopped, in shock, when he was wearing the exact same shirt I saw in my dream. After 2 days, he proposed.
He passed away from diabetes 10 years after marriage. Our children are 42 and 44, and they are fine people I greatly admire.
Thanks for sharing your story. It encourages and provokes us to love.