Godly Marriage Encouragement

Love as God Created It

So many divorces and unhappy marriages.  I truly believe it is because people are drifting further and further away from the Creator of marriage, God. He shares in his Word all we need to know on how marriage should be. And God IS love. He is the only perfect love. We will learn best from him❤️

Christ loved the church so much that he gave up his life for her.  We are the church.  He died for us.  And we did not deserve that love.  We should be reflecting that love. That means we should always by dying to ourselves.  What does this mean?  It means putting away our selfish desires.  To stop trying to change our mate and to change our own selves.   It is agape love.  A love that is pure and unconditional.

When we love this way in our marriage, there is forgiveness.. tenderness.. openness.. honesty.. This is how better communication happens.. leading to more compassion.. greater devotion.. and the chance for our marriage to really grow deeper.

As my husband lay asleep, I thought.. He is my gift from God, such a blessing.  And I read The Song of Songs.  This eight chapter love poem is such a beautiful picture of a loving relationship.

From Song of Songs ~

The Woman

As an apricot tree stands out in the forest, my lover stands above the young men in town. All I want is to sit in his shade, to taste and savor his delicious love. He took me home with him for a festive meal, but his eyes feasted on me!

The Man

The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh.  Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.  You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.

Do you notice the excitement and adoration they have for one another?  Aren’t the sexual metaphors so joyful and romantic?  God created sex.  Many of us have worldly learned what sex is through movies, school, porn and friends.  Sex was made for love and to express love..  To share in our holy union for many reasons.. To please each other, for fun and to give comfort.  To strengthen our bond together. For our souls to be one. Having pure and loving sex means so much to marriage.

Awaken and rediscover your mate.

Of course, sex was also made to procreate.  When I gave birth to my children… I couldn’t believe I birthed new life from myself.. Only the Lord could create such a miracle.

A loving marriage provides a great foundation to build a family.

Marriage covenants are not always a walk in the park.  My husband, Clarence, and I have done marriage studies together.  We confess sins to each other and our close friends.  Just recently, we attended a marriage seminar.  Because of our hearts transparency, we were totally transformed.

In a nutshell, this is what we learned from Roger and Laureen Traver of Mountain Top Marriages :

❤️Get our hearts right.. keep it soft❤️Say to your spouse “I will never ever divorce you” and see if your spouse says it back❤️Work it out or be miserable for the rest of your life (selfishness makes us miserable)❤️Don’t be focused on getting all your needs met, think of what you can do to be better❤️Agape love always❤️Pray out loud together❤️Read the Bible together❤️Bless each other❤️Know who you are in Christ❤️Replace lies with scriptures of truth❤️Find your strongholds & cast them out❤️Have a feelings formula ~ Know how to talk without attacking each other❤️Make priorities right❤️Husbands ~ learn what your wife loves❤️Wives ~ respect & appreciate your husbands❤️Find something you both love to do together & do it… If you don’t have anything.. do what your spouse loves & maybe you’ll end up enjoying it too❤️Men & women are different ~ communicate well❤️Sex is important ~ Have more sex❤️Play footsy under the table, hold hands❤️Say wonderful compliments to each other❤️Men try holding doors open for your wife❤️Know each other’s love language❤️It is The Word that can save, transform & bring power to your marriage

Hubby and I with Roger and Laureen Traver of Mountain Top Marriages

Isn’t that amazing love wisdom?  I thank the Lord for Roger and Laureen.  I believe their marriage is so beautiful because their hearts are so beautiful… and they serve with all their hearts… the most beautiful God.

How has our marriage been transformed?  Clarence and I have made it a routine to pray each day when he gets home from work.  We open the door.. we say hello with a kiss.. He plays with the children for a bit.  Then we hold hands and pray… The first time our kids saw this… they watched us with big eyes.  And then we felt their little hands on ours.  And there they were with their eyes closed and praying too.  It was the sweetest.  Now they pray with us each day as well.  They love to pray with us.  Our 3 year old, Hayley, doesn’t want to stop praying.  She tells Jesus about her entire day.. and then about her friends day.. mom’s day.. And then prays for random people or animals like Santa or a doggie that she saw a few days ago. Our 1 year old, Elijah, who has so much energy.. he is so calm when we pray.  He just watches us all and smiles.

Clarence and I have stopped saying “you” this and “you” that.  Rather, we take responsibility for our own feelings and actions.  This has helped us tremendously in not building up new walls and in keeping our hearts soft for one another.  We also ask for forgiveness right away.  When we’ve made a mistake, we are quick to resolve it.

We have others who help us stay accountable.  Brothers in Christ for Clarence.. whom he can truly love on and be loved on back.  No matter what.  And sisters in Christ for me.  Such amazing women where we can pray over one another through everything.  Having true fellowship with other married couples who are also in the spirit. It is awesome to have a solid church family to pour life into our marriage and where we can pour life into theirs.

We are communicating stronger in each others own love language.  The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.  My husband’s love language is physical touch, mine is acts of service.  I now kiss my husband much more.. especially whenever he leaves and returns. I hold him more, rub his shoulders..  He loves that I was a licensed massage therapist for many years lol.  Physical touch doesn’t have to always be sex.  I  try to always check-in with him through my touch.  And even if I’m upset.. I don’t withhold my embrace from him.  For my love language, Clarence has been very good at speaking acts of service to my heart.  He cooks the most amazing meals and often cleans up.  He gives the kids baths, changes diapers.. And he does these things with a joyful heart.  He also helps fix many things.. from the tv remote to our refrigerator to my car ~ he’s a certified mechanic.  I love watching him be such a handyman and loving daddy.. and sweet hubby.. as he makes sure I’m well fed and can get some rest.

Here is the quiz to learn yours and your mates love language :

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

As mentioned a bit earlier.. Marriage should reflect Christ ~ constantly dying to one another.  Sacrificing.. serving.. sanctifying. When we do this, it sounds totally different from what the world tells us.  The world tells us that if we are not happy, then leave.  It is a selfish way and does not give life.  God hates divorce. Divorce can cause more hurt and rip apart families.

Growing up, I did not know the Lord and I wasn’t raised around others who did know him. I did not know what true love was. I did not know what it was like to be loved unconditionally. I was abused from a young age and not believed or protected. When I grew up, I dated abusive men.  I sought healing in seminars about strongholds, in prayer ministries and through Godly friendships and counseling. I’ll never forget the day I was set free. In prayer… I felt such a power over my heart. So strong that I just had to bow down and I cried.  Warm tears flooded my face.  The Lord’s love burned within me and his soft still voice spoke. He said, “Let me heal you”. And the process began.

A few days later, I had a dream that I was dancing with a man who reflected Jesus. The song Dance with Me by Jesus Culture played.  I  had never heard that song before.  The man wore glasses and he was so handsome.  His heart made me feel like such a daughter of God.  As we danced, I felt like a princess and that he was my prince.  There was such an unexplainable romantic peace.  The joy was the sweetest and purest. The next day, I heard that song.  I remembered it from my dream. How amazing to have had that dream song come to life.

A few months later, I  met the man who would be my husband.  It was hard to believe.. Although God sent that dream to encourage me, I was set on just being with the Lord and not settling with a man.  I had made the decision to adopt a child on my own. I was so happy to receive the letter saying I would be considered.  I began dating Clarence, the adoption agency shut down.  And that night we decided to slow dance.  I really don’t like to cry in front of others.. but I just cried.  Tears of joy.  Clarence told me I was the one for him. And I knew he was the one too.  It had been confirmed.  Clarence does wear glasses too.  But it’s our love together that really gave us new eyes.

How beautiful it is to share our faith journey together.  To grow deeper in intimacy and the things of God.. side by side, hand in hand.

Throughout our togetherness time.. I’ve learned that we are a team.  We are for each other and not against one another.  It is the enemy that tries to divide us.  With prayer, we can stay close and bonded.  We fight fear with faith.  We try our best to speak life and celebrate each other.  We protect our love.

We ask the Lord to always renew our mind.  Renew our mind to always think lovingly of each other.  Lord, train us to remember the sacred beauty of our love.  We bless each other with joy.  Our spouse is God’s child.  If our God in Heaven is a King, that means our spouse is what?  They are a princess.  They are a prince.  Let’s treat our loves that way.

May we glorify the Lord through our marriage.  No marriage is perfect, but the Lord is.  Put him first ~ Watch how he will excitedly deepen and faithfully grow your precious love.  I am praying for your marriage journey. Keep on dating, praying, laughing, lovemaking, playing, reconciling, dying and dancing❤️